I’ve had the misfortune of spending the last few days out of the office with some minor flu symptoms. Nothing major but still hard on an old man. Never a good time to be down.

I’m a newspaper guy through and through. I’ve had some radio gigs, but I’ll admit, I love my television. Always have. Always will. Baseball. Football. Give me the cop shows. I love sitcoms. You show me how to bake, grill or fry it and I will cook it. I’m not mechanical but I love car shows, so I watch them. Rodeo is a different story.

I was out of the office Wednesday and Thursday, so I anticipated some relaxing TV time. In case you forgot, Wednesday was the day after the 2024 election. Wednesday was the day 90% of the anchors on all the news stations were spewing venom about the results naming Donald Trump as the 47th President of the United States.

“He’s a felon,” one network anchor said. “He’s a narcissist and a bully,” said another. “He’s guilty of inciting an Insurrection,” said yet another.

Tired of the nonstop election coverage, I started searching for some good afternoon programming. Something that didn’t make me think – some “Two and a Half Men” or maybe “That 70s Show” would calm my mind. I was hoping to find a couple of my favorite old series and set out to fill my day with a bunch of nothing.

Question for you. When was the last time you watched daytime television? It has evidently been a while for me because every other commercial, regardless of the station and show I was watching, was about getting old – or already being old – both normal and ordinary illnesses, as well as new medicines. I know they are great revenue sources for television networks, but since when have I done my prescription drug shopping on TV?  

And these weren’t 30-second spots. These were mini-infomercials. Ask me anything about Type I and II Diabetes. Have you been short of breath? Need to lose a few pounds? Give me a call. Is your skin red and itchy? Did the election stress you out? I saw the cure on cable TV.

But I also heard the side effects and possible serious reactions of the cures. Are you kidding me? If I was suicidal, why would I take a medicine that may cause suicidal tendencies?

Let me see if I can remember a few of these reactions: fainting, dizziness, feeling light-headed, swelling of your face, eyelids, lips, mouth, tongue, or throat, trouble breathing or throat tightness, chest tightness, skin rash, hives, itching, infections, blood in your stool, fever, sweats, or chills, cough, shortness of breath, blood in your mucus (phlegm), muscle aches, warm, red, or painful skin or sores on your body different from your psoriasis, weight loss, weight gain, diarrhea or stomach pain, constipation, burning when you urinate or urinating more often than normal and incontinence.

Dear Lord, I know it’s a little late to be asking but if there is any way, please do as much as I deserve to keep me from getting a sickness or disease. I don’t believe I can withstand the medicine that will be prescribed to me. Amen.

— Keith Lippoldt