OKLAHOMA CITY  – God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama vowed to attack Syria Sunday, bringing the world to the brink of another Mideast war. He’s doubled the Dow Jones, saved Big Banks, boosted oil prices and deported a million illegal aliens. You know something, he may go down in history as the greatest Republican president ever.
President Obama held off asking the House and Senate to endorse an attack on Syria until everyone is in agreement. That’s not how America was set up. If both parties in Congress were suddenly to agree on a policy and get behind the president it could bring gridlock to a screeching halt.
President Obama gave a TV speech Tuesday to try to rally support for bombing Syria despite overwhelming public opposition to an attack.
The president only got one good review. Tiger Woods said he’s a pretty good golfer for a guy who only plays five times a week.
President Obama’s proposal to bomb Syria’s chemical and military sites drew outcries from the Vatican and protest marches in world capitals. Just how badly is this idea polling? People in Kenya are claiming that President Obama was born in the United States.
The Rim Fire at Yosemite National Park in California burned on into its fourth week Monday. So far it’s charred a quarter million acres. However, Gov. Jerry Brown said it’s now all under control, he plans to tax and regulate the fire till it gives up and moves to Nevada.
Roman Polanski’s statutory rape victim wrote a book about his hot tub seduction of her at age 13 in Hollywood. It was another era.
It’s been so long since Polanski’s had sex with a minor he’s considering quitting the movie business and becoming a teacher.
Democratic former presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich warned that if President Obama attacks Syria without first obtaining congressional authorization, he could be impeached. Fortunately the president has impeachment insurance. It’s called Joe Biden.
New England Patriots former star Aaron Hernandez pleaded not guilty to murder last Friday in Boston. The league had fifty-six off-season arrests Last month a rapper with Taylor Gang stabbed an NFL player, and he was charged with impersonating an NFL player.
Toyota recalled 200,000 hybrid Highlanders and hybrid Lexuses Friday due to engine problems. Last month Toyota recalled thousands of Priuses. Apparently there was something wrong with this engine which prevented the driver from being smug.
Texas Senator Ted Cruz vowed to lead the fight against the Obama Administration’s immigration reform bill this fall. He boasted that he’s Obama-phobic. You know you’re Obama-phobic it you are willing to deport millions of Hispanics and your last name is Cruz.
Boston University’s Berkeley School of Music honored country music’s Willie Nelson with an honorary doctorate. His autograph will be even more valuable. Now that he’s a doctor, he can write marijuana prescriptions in the alley after the show in 20 states.
Domino’s Pizza aired a YouTube video which shows a large pizza being delivered to a home by a drone aircraft. What’s become of this world? It shocked a lot of viewers, seeing something that kills innocent civilians every single day being delivered by a drone.
O.J. Simpson was reportedly playing softball for the Aryan Nations team in the Nevada prison softball league Friday. He integrated a white supremacist gang. O.J. isn’t eligible for parole for four years and who knows if there will even be a Dancing with the Stars by then.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.