As a therapist, Jessica Blehm knows that many people resolve to do better during the new year. She also knows that sometimes people put too much pressure on themselves.

Blehm, who sees clients at The Center for Counseling & Consultation, 5815 Broadway, suggests learning more about a special type of therapy that can support those who are trying to make positive changes in their lives.

It is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

“The goal is finding true balance, the happy middle ground between emotional and rational thought since we make decisions based on both,” Blehm said. “The four skills involved, which I use in my own life, are appropriate for anyone of any age. Even little kids understand them.”

The four skills are mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation and interpersonal interaction.

“Mindfulness teaches us to be aware of our thoughts and feelings, to calm our minds and to recognize the things that motivate us to behave the way we do,” Blehm explained. “Let’s say you make a New Year’s resolution to work out every morning before work.

“But when that alarm goes off, it can be really difficult to get out of bed if your only motivation is to work out.”

This is when DBT may be valuable.

“If you are mindful, you might recall that exercise gives you a sense of accomplishment and confidence. And maybe you realize it also leads to more energy and physical strength.

“So, the next time the alarm goes off, you can focus on the positive results. They are so much more motivating than just checking off a box that notes ‘worked out today.’”

Mindfulness also results in being more aware of judgments “that creep into our thoughts,” Blehm continued. “We figure out we are resolving to do things we ought to do but we don’t really want to do those things.

“Oftentimes, you are genuinely too busy with children and/or older parents to concentrate on exercise or some other resolution. DBT can help you step back and look at your priorities.”

The second skill is distress tolerance, which is about learning how to accomplish difficult tasks. Maybe that means pushing away thoughts about staying in bed; tolerating anger without acting on it; or getting through a day without drugs, phones, gaming or too much food.

“This is about learning to get through the moment,” Blehm summarized. “A lot of us think that just because we feel something, we have to act on it. The reality is we don’t have to do anything. Sometimes we just need to wait that feeling out.”

The next skill is emotional regulation that can help people change the way they feel.

“Our thoughts influence how we feel, which can impact how we act,” Blehm noted. “Emotional regulation is about learning to change how we feel by consciously changing our thoughts and behaviors. If we do something different, sometimes we start to feel something different.”

The fourth aspect of DBT is interpersonal skills. These refer to learning to set boundaries, communicate needs and be better listeners.

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The word ‘dialectical’ in DBT refers to things that can be opposite and true at the same time.

“For instance, you love your spouse but you are extremely angry at them,” Blehm explained. “Or you take a new job because it offers better pay and fewer hours. But you discover you hate it. Is it worth it?”

DBT offers discussion guidelines for the therapist and client because each session is structured.

“When we don’t understand our emotions, it is hard to know what to talk about,” Blehm noted. “Sometimes people want to rant about their day. But DBT gives us a framework. It provides guardrails so that we are not in the gutter bouncing around.”

In summary, Blehm suggests caution when making resolutions.

“Say to yourself ‘I am worthy as I am but I need to make some changes.’ But if you try to change everything, you are overwhelmed and go on doing what you always do – even though it is not working.”

The Center for Counseling & Consultation, a Certified Community Behavioral Health Clinic, 5815 Broadway in Great Bend, serves Barton, Pawnee, Rice and Stafford counties. Professionally trained personnel offer: individual and group therapy; marriage and family counseling; community-support services; community-based services; psychosocial rehabilitation; peer support; and medication management. The confidential 24/7 crisis hotline number is 800-875-2544.